


things i know i'll never have

by stardustachilles



Category: Dysprosium
Genre: F/F, High School AU, I wrote this in like an hour, Sickfic, Sort Of, also, sniper au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-22
Updated: 2018-07-22
Packaged: 2019-06-14 08:08:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15384408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stardustachilles/pseuds/stardustachilles
Summary: Alex gets hurt on a mission and her father sends her on sabbatical.





	things i know i'll never have

Alex knew she was in deep shit after she heard the beeping.

This was supposed to be a routine op; two hours, three tops. But it had been a trap, and now Alex was stuck in a small metal room on the twenty-fifth floor of a building with people trying to kill her. She’d sent out an SOS but they hadn’t been able to get to her yet. They were going on day three, and Alex wasn’t feeling so good.

She’d secured the room and she was safe, but she had no way out. Losing blood, dehydrated, and starving, Alex was really regretting getting out of bed.

 

**_Two Days Ago_ **

Alex lifted her head at a knock at her door. Sara groaned beneath her, dropping her head defeatedly. Alex looked down at her sympathetically, pressing one last, longing kiss to Sara’s lips in apology before grinning and slipping off from atop her. As Sara pulled the sheet up to cover herself, Alex pulled on her wrinkled button down shirt. She padded quietly with bare feet on wood to the door, unlocking it. She opened it to James standing there with a manila folder in his hand and a sheepish smile on his face. Alex glared, snatching the folder meanly from his fingers and turning, leaving the door open for James to follow. Alex sat on the bed, flipping through the pages while Sara curled up behind her, resting her chin on Alex’s shoulder.

“Andre Baker,” James said, standing in front of the bed with his arms crossed. “Level one drug dealer, wanted for arson, murder, cyber terrorism, yada, yada, yada.”

Alex nodded, studying the photograph in the file. White male, thirty six years old, bald with a thin beard. Alex looked back up at James. “Okay,” she said, dropping the file on the bed beside her. Sara leaned back against the pillows. “I understand that we’re trying to take down a drug cartel, but did it really have to be  _ now _ ? I was trying to fuck my girlfriend, if you hadn’t noticed.”

Sara laughed behind her as James sighed and rolled his eyes. “Yes, now. Put on a bra and get dressed. You have a criminal to kill.”

Alex groaned, standing and shoving James bodily out of the room and slamming the door behind him. Sara slid out of bed and headed into Alex’s closet. Alex followed her, sliding up behind her and resting her hands on Sara’s hips. She skimmed her nose along the nape of Sara’s neck, pushing the hair out of the way so she could press gentle kisses there.

“Alex,” Sara sighed softly, reaching back a hand to tangle in Alex’s hair. “You have an assignment.”

Alex grunted, gripping Sara’s hips a little tighter. “Does it look like I care?” Alex mumbled, sucking at the top notch of Sara’s spine.

“No,” Sara muttered, turning in Alex’s arms. She cupped Alex’s jaw and kissed her firmly once, before pushing Alex away. “Get your costume.”

“It’s not a costume,” Alex grumbled under her breath, turning around and digging through the top shelf of her closet until she pulled out her black tac suit. Alex led the way out of the closet, hanging her suit on one of the knobs of her dresser. Sara came up behind her and began unbuttoning her shirt as Alex pulled the tac jacket off of the hanger.

Sara pulled the button down off her shoulders as Alex took the compression tank top off of the hanger. Sara took a step back as Alex dragged the tank to over her torso, snapping the hem at her hips. Sara dropped down on the bed and watched Alex dress the rest of the way, tugging on the tight yet baggy and pocket-filled tac pants on next, then the lightweight bulletproof jacket that went under the heavier, more bulletproof overcoat.

Sara stepped up beside Alex as she hauled the heavy coat over her shoulders and opened the left dresser drawer third from the top. Lines of knives shone in the dim overhead bedroom light. Alex drew them out and slipped them into the hidden pockets of her jackets and pants one by one. Sara fetched her combat boots from her closet, letting Alex pull them on then kneeling to lace them tightly. Alex passed a couple knives to Sara to slide into the holsters in her boots before offering Sara a hand up, which she took.

“C’mon,” Alex said, pulling Sara closer by her hand and kissing her nose. Alex swiped the discarded button down off the floor with her boots, settling it over Sara’s shoulders and buttoning it as Sara nudged her arms through the sleeves.

Sara followed behind Alex’s heavy, silent steps on her toes, clinging onto her hand. They glided down the hallway and the grand stairway of the Mansion, around to the front door where James was waiting with Alex’s car.

Sara stopped Alex with a tug to her hand on the flagstone driveway, just before it transitioned into pea gravel. She pressed a kiss to Alex’s lips, nipping at her lower lip. “Be safe,” she whispered against Alex’s lips, letting her hand fall from Alex’s neck and taking a step back. Alex grinned at Sara’s actions, standing outside in only panties and Alex’s button down.

Alex grinned. “When am I not?”

Sara snorted. “When you breathe,” she sassed, and Alex laughed loudly.

James stepped out from behind Sara, opening Alex’s car door for her. Alex slipped in, dropping her duffel in the passenger’s seat as James closed the door of her Jeep Wrangler. “You have ninety minutes,” he said.

Ten minutes later, Alex was on a rooftop, pulling her rifle out of her duffel and assembling it as quickly as she could. Her hands and breathing were steady, and she was ready to carry out her mission.

Alex knew she was in deep shit after she heard the beeping.

 

**_Present_ **

Alex was half-dozing, half-applying pressure to her thigh when she heard increased commotion outside the room. Her breathing increased, and she felt the pain from moving shoot through her broken and bruised ribs. She grabbed her handgun from the ground beside her and pointed it at the barricaded door. She only had three bullets left, so she had to make them count. She’d lost her rifle on day one, and all of her extra ammo. She’d used most of her knives to make it into the room.

More banging, gunshots, and screams of pain were coming closer to the room, and Alex tensed. Her face was tight and her gun was leveled for a headshot to whoever came through the door first. She was probably going to die here, and she hadn’t even finished getting Sara off before she left.

Alex heard more muffled yelling, then something that sounded like her name. She leveled her breathing and prepared for more carnage, but nothing came. Everything outside the room went silent. A moment later, a knock came to the door.

“Alex,” a male voice yelled. “It’s James. Let me in.”

“How do I know it’s James?” Alex asked. “Fuck off.”

“Are you hurt?” alleged-James asked.

Alex took a breath. “ _ For all you have fallen, still you flew _ .”

“ _ And for a moment, the sun knew of you, too _ ,” quoted back the now-confirmed James, and Alex set her gun down.

She shoved herself over to the door to undo the barricade, and James broke the door down. Alex wanted to sob with relief, but she held herself together for the time being. James dropped down beside her and holstered his gun. “We found your rifle a mile away. It took a bit to locate your broadcast.”

“Whatever. Just get me out of here before I bleed out on the floor.”

“Blown to hell and back and still sarcastic as ever,” James huffed, scooping Alex up into his arms. Alex bit back a cry of pain and let herself be carried. Her father’s men were standing guard outside the room, and the bodies of the cartel goonies littered the floor.

“How’s Sara?” Alex asked. James and three other men loaded into the elevator so they could leave the building.

“Freaking the fuck out,” James said. “You know how she gets. Nearly had to tie her up to keep her from coming along.”

“You know you’re not allowed to do that.”

“Would you have rather had her here?”

“Fair point.”

The elevator doors dinged open on the bottom floor, and they exited the building. More of her father’s men were protecting the perimeter, dressed as police officers and firemen and other officials. James crawled into the back of an ambulance with Alex in her arms, setting her on the bed.

James got to work starting an IV and blood transfusion while the ambulance pulled away. They were headed back to the Mansion, Alex knew, because they weren’t allowed to trust hospitals. She rested her head back against the small pillow. James cut off the right leg of her tac pants and Alex knew what was coming next. She clutched the railings of the bed tightly as James dug the bullet out of her leg and quickly cauterized the wound, bandaging it. Alex managed not to scream, but her ribs ached.

“Sedatives?” James asked.

“Painkillers would have been fucking great.”

“Too late for that now. Do you want sedatives or not?”

“Yes. Whatever. As long as I don’t remember it.”

“Double dose it is, then.”

 

Alex woke up—she didn’t know how much later—in one of the recovery rooms of the Mansion. The weight on the bed beside her told her Sara was there, and her even breathing indicated that she was asleep.

To her right, there was a panel of buttons on the wall. Alex pressed the one that would administer the painkillers, then the one that would call James to her room.

She didn’t have to wait long. Only a few seconds, actually, until the door was opening and James was coming in. He took the chair beside Alex’s bed.

“Were you sitting outside the door?”

“No,” James said, which was a blatant lie. His head was down and his fingers were fidgety, foot tapping.

“You know it’s not your fault,” Alex said. “If anything, it was my hubris.”

“You completed your mission as you were assigned to. How is that hubris.”

“I thought I could take out more than the target. It’s my fault, not yours. Stop blaming yourself.” 

They were silent for a few moments. Alex looked at Sara beside her, curled up around a pillow in place of Alex. Alex’s ribs still ached, but she wanted to curl around Sara in return.

“How mad is Father?” Alex asked.

“More disappointed than angry.”

“That’s worse. Do you know what he’s going to do?”

“Not for certain, but I did hear him say something to Nikolay about a sabbatical.”

“Oh, fuck.”

 

Alex’s father showed up in her room a few hours later, taking the chair that James had previously occupied. Alex had convinced him to carry a sleeping Sara out of the room and lock her in her own room until Alex had hashed everything out with her father.

Her father sat down, and before Alex could say anything, he said, “You’re taking a sabbatical.”

“I don’t need a sabbatical. I’ll be healed enough in three days to get back to work, and that’s what I’m going to do.”

“You are not, and that’s a direct order. You’re taking a sabbatical, and I’ve already cleared it with Sara’s school for you to attend for the next two months until you’re completely healed.”

“You cannot make me attend a high school.”

“It’s either high school or therapy to deal with the trauma you’ve experienced. Your choice.”

“I choose to do neither and go back to work in three days. I’m not going to high school.”

“It’s already done. You and James are moving into Sara’s apartment in three days, so you should consider what you want to pack.”

 

The moment Alex’s father left the room, Sara appeared in the doorway. She was still in the button down that Alex had put her in three days ago, her hair in a messy bun atop her head.

“When was the last time you showered?” Alex asked as Sara crawled into bed beside her.

“When was the last time you ate?” Sara countered.

Alex held up her hand. “IV. I don’t need to eat.”

“I’m going to go make you waffles and whipped cream and you’re going to eat them all, and then I will shower. Deal?”

“Deal.”

Alex smacked Sara’s ass as she left the room, and Sara giggled. It was nice to hear her laugh. Sara always got too worried when Alex got injured. Sara countered with the idea that Alex took her injuries too flippantly. Alex didn’t really care, as long as Sara was safe.

 

It was the day before Alex was to attend Sara’s school and Sara was to return. Alex and James were moving into Sara’s apartment near the school, and Alex was complaining about nearly everything she could. She didn’t want to go to high school. She didn’t want to leave the Mansion. She didn’t want to leave her car behind. And most of all, she was mad that James and Sara wouldn’t let her help move things. Just because she had two broken ribs and the rest bruised and a bullet wound in her right thigh didn’t mean she couldn’t help carry things.

Instead, she was relegated to Sara’s room, occupied on the bed with a physics problem Sara was having trouble with. She’d missed the last four days of school because of Alex, and her homework had piled up. While Alex was laid up in bed at the mansion she’d taught Sara the lessons she’d missed and helped her catch up on homework.

“I’ve got it, Sara,” Alex called. “You forgot to take into account the buoyancy factor and gravity.”

“Can you just make a note?” Sara asked. “I’m occupied at the moment.”

“Whatever,” Alex said, but she did as she was told.

Sara came back into her bedroom a few minutes later and sat on the bed beside Alex. She tucked her chin over Alex’s shoulder and looked at her physics notebook. “Thanks,” she whispered, pressing a kiss into the side of Alex’s neck.

Recoiling immediately, Sara said. “Ugh. Gross. You need to shower. Let’s go.”

Alex groaned but shoved Sara’s school books off of her lap and stood. She vehemently denied accepting Sara’s help to limp to the bathroom. The longer she was stagnant the more her leg hurt. Her ribs, she could deal with, because they were the opposite. Luckily, she had complete control of every muscle in her body, so she was capable of walking without exerting her midsection.

Sara turned on the shower while Alex undressed. She was just wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt, so she didn’t have to work too hard to do so. There were bandages wrapped around her ribs, hiding the bruising, and more wrapped around her thigh to keep the stitches from leaking.

Sara pulled the first aid kit out from beneath the counter and helped Alex remove her bandages so she could shower. She slapped a bandage over the four stitches to keep them safe, but Alex smelled and really needed a bath.

They climbed into the shower together, and Alex was instructed to stand still while Sara washed her. Alex grabbed the ledge at the top of the shower and allowed Sara to gently wipe her down. Her last shower had been while she was unconscious on sedatives before she’d gotten into her recovery bed. Sara wiped gently around Alex’s ribs and knelt to clean her thigh, lifting it onto her shoulder so she could reach the outside. She squeezed the loofa over the bandage so the stitches could be cleaned without being touched.

Alex reached down to put a hand in Sara’s hair, and Sara reached up to Alex’s stomach. “Do you want me to shave your legs?” Sara asked.

“Nah.”

“Do you want me to shave your lady parts?”

Alex sighed. “Sure. Whatever. Get my inner thighs too just so you don’t chafe up your face.”

“Yessir,” Sara sassed, but got to work.

After the shower, Sara wiped Alex off and they got dressed in the matching pajamas she’d gotten them last Christmas. It had been their eighth Christmas together, and subsequently their eighth set of matching pajamas. Alex’s father had found Sara at an orphanage as a companion for Alex when they were nine, and they’d been inseparable since.

Alex and Sara climbed into Sara’s bed together, Sara curling into Alex’s left side. She put a pillow between their torsos so she wouldn’t hurt Alex’s ribs and shoved her face into Alex’s neck. Alex stroked her hair until she fell asleep, then texted James, complaining, until she got tired.

 

“You fucking walk to school every day?”

“We’re in the city. It’s not like a car would be of any use to me. Besides, the school is only five blocks away.”

“James is driving us. No arguments.”

“Fine. Whatever.”

Alex and Sara got to the school early. James pressed a kiss to Alex’s cheek as she exited the car; he still felt like it was his fault she got hurt. Sara led them into the school. Alex wasn’t carrying a backpack at Sara’s insistence, and she was irritated about it. Sara had also tried to convince her to use crutches until she stopped limping, but Alex shot that down quickly.

Sara was immediately swamped as they entered the school by five other kids, and Sara stepped forward before they could get too close to Alex. “Hey, guys,” Sara said. “This is my girlfriend, Alex,” she gestured back at Alex, and Alex snorted at the  _ girlfriend _ comment. “Alex, these are my friends: Hayden, Minerva, Roman, Oliver, and Sebastian.”

Alex didn’t change her expression or move a muscle, because, as loathe as she was to admit it, her body fucking hurt. She put most of her weight on her left leg and held her arms out from her sides so they wouldn’t bump her ribs and to protect them from the multitudes of other bodies swarming the high school hallways.

Sara moved back to Alex, clinging. She was cautious to touch Alex because she didn’t want to hurt her, but she couldn’t stand not touching Alex. She settled by wrapping their hands together. “Alex is going to be here for two months.”

“Where did you go to school before?” Minerva asked.

“I got a PhD equivalent when I was sixteen,” Alex answered, deadpan. “I skipped high school.”

“Alex,” Sara said, hand covering Alex’s mouth, “was homeschooled.”

The bell rang before anyone could say anything else, which Alex was grateful for. “Math first,” Sara said, dragging Alex slowly down the hallways by the hand. Alex sat through Sara’s math class, bored, while Sara studiously took notes. Alex whispered in her ear easier ways to learn the lessons taught by the teacher, and helped Sara finish her homework before class ended.

Science, English, and History went the same way. Sara had to continuously step on Alex’s foot so she wouldn’t distract her or anyone else in the class. During second hour, Sara pulled a book out from her backpack, something complicated and physics-based. It kept Alex distracted enough to make it to lunch without incident.

Sara and her friends ate lunch in the courtyard every day. Sara grabbed a blanket from her locker to spread out on the grass, and made Alex lie flat on her back to give her ribs a break. Alex napped for the first ten minutes, then James showed up with a bag full of khinkali and Bulgarian root beer, and Alex sat up to eat.

After lunch was physics, then PE. Sara had been worried about PE and Alex all day, because they were playing lacrosse, and that was Alex’s favorite sport. Alex wouldn’t accept Sara’s instruction to sit out, and to make matters worse, they were put on different teams.

Thirty minutes later, two football players had ended up in the grass and Alex had a bloodstain on her pant leg.

“Coach, if you don’t mind, I’m going to take Alex to the nurse,” Sara said, not waiting for an answer and heading back to the locker room. She had no intention of going to the nurse. Sara could do better than the school nurse, anyway.

With Alex’s arm over Sara’s shoulders, they made their way back to the locker rooms together. Sara lowered Alex down onto a bench and Alex winced.

“You’re so fucking stupid,” Sara muttered good naturedly. “And stubborn. Why don’t you ever listen to me?”

“You’re not the one who’s in charge here,” Alex grumbled back. “According to the contract, you belong to be, and you really shouldn’t be ordering me around anyway.”

“That contract is bullshit in the modern world,” Sara said. “And you have to wait until we’re eighteen to marry me. So just fucking take it easy while you heal.”

Sara pulled her spare set of gym clothes off of Alex’s body gently, throwing them in her backpack so they could be washed that night. After inspection, Sara discovered that Alex had ripped a stitch, but it was still in her leg. “Just tie it again,” Alex suggested, letting Sara take her leg.

“This is incredibly unsanitary,” Sara mumbled.

“I slipped some vodka in your backpack this morning, just in case the pain meds wore off,” Alex said. Sara sighed, but grabbed the small bottle, tipping some of it over the healing bullet wound and her hands. Sara re-tied the stitch, trying not to pull too hard.

They didn’t notice that the coach had dismissed the class to the locker rooms just as Sara was pulling the bandage back up over the bullet wound. They were in the back corner, where only Sara and her friends occupied lockers. Alex watched Hayden and Minerva with wary eyes as they came forward.

Sara was still kneeling in front of her, pulling up the edge of the bandages around Alex’s ribs. “The swelling’s gone down,” she commented, not noticing her friends behind her.

“What happened to you?” Hayden asked. Sara whipped around.

Alex knew Hayden was referring to the bandages and the scars all over her body. “How is that any of you business,” Alex retorted.

“She has no sense of self-preservation,” Sara covered. “Spent nearly her whole childhood in the hospital with casts and stitches.”

Hayden and Minerva accepted that answer in silence, and they all got changed and dropped the subject.

Sara had a free period after that, and then school ended, so they just went home early. They spent the rest of the night on the couch, Sara holding warm compresses to Alex’s ribs and ice to her leg, watching movies. They managed to make it to Sara’s bed before they both fell asleep, Sara in Alex’s sweatshirt and Alex in just her bra and underwear.

 

The next morning, Sara woke up before Alex, which was unique. Sara was immediately worried, of course, but she didn’t wake Alex up right away. She check all of her wounds, and held her finger under Alex’s nose. Her breath was warmer than usual, so Sara found the thermometer in the bathroom and stuck it in Alex’s mouth while she was still asleep.

Alex woke at the intrusion, completely still. The thermometer beeped and Sara pulled it out of her mouth. “You have a fever,” Sara said. “You’re staying home today. It was probably the school.”

Alex groaned, and Sara fed her some pain meds before she fell back asleep.

Sara explained the situation to her friends with as little detail as possible, and they didn’t pry. At lunchtime, Sara called James to check in on Alex.

“Sorry,” James answered after five rings. “I have a clingy, injured, and feverish assassin on my lap. I’ll call you back when I’ve convinced her that a cold doesn’t mean she’s dying, but come home soon, because she keeps asking for you and she’s getting ready to go get you herself.”

Sara chuckled. “Alright. Just a few more hours. Try to get her to sleep, and sedate her if you need to. Bye.”

Sara hung up her phone, and ignored the strange looks from her friends. This was going to be a long two months.


End file.
